And then came #12

On September 16th, Noah Ephraim Jeppesen came into this world and became the 12th grandchild for my parents. It was quite the experience. Amanda's water broke the day before so off to the hospital she went. I got someone to take of the kids for me and headed up there and stayed with her and mom all night. They gave her Pitocin to get her contractions going better and she just wasn't progressing at all. Amanda has NO tolerance for pain, so she took whatever they would let her. Dad and Matt came up that night and gave her a blessing. She ending up by 4 am the next morning Mom was done and told them that she needed to have a C-section....she was still only measuring a 1 to a 1 1/2 and was completely miserable. So they got her scheduled and took her in at 7 that morning and here he is. The cord was wrapped around his body preventing him from going down to the birth canal. He was 6 lbs 15 oz with a head full of dark hair, just like his mom.



Me, the proud new Aunt with my handsome little nephew.



I love this picture of my Dad with Noah. He was so proud of him. Plus Noah had ears like Dad. Dad has a point in his ears that a lot of us have inherited and that was always the first thing that he checked on all the new grandbabies.

For our November birthdays, Mom, Amanda and I all went to the State Fair in September to the Huey Lewis and The News concert. It was SO much fun! I am a huge Huey Lewis fan and have been pretty much all of my life thanks to my mother. It was a great concert! We were right up by the stage and just had a great time!



See, we were there! We had some really funny, older ladies standing behind us and one of them kept trying to get a picture of the 3 of us with Huey in the background. But thanks to picture delay or him just moving around, he always managed to move just before the picture was taken. So here we are with the saxophone player.



I'm sure I'm weird, but I think he's still pretty good lookin' for an old guy. ;)



I can't believe I actually got this picture! He jumped just as I was taking the picture. It was such a good time. It was pretty funny....Amanda was about 2 weeks away from her due date, so we took some camp chairs with us so she could sit down if she needed to. The security guard that was standing near us looked at her with concern and asked her to PLEASE, not have the baby there! LOL! He was so funny! Especially when another pregnant lady shows up not too long after and was sitting in a wheel-chair because she was supposed to be on bed rest. He was calling that side of the stage the "Pregnant" section and was threatening to announce to all other pregnant ladies to please come over to that area so he could keep an eye on all of them. He was just a great big teddy bear of a guy. It was a great night!

Some thoughts....

So it's been 2 weeks today since Dad passed away. I really had to get up and look at the calendar to make sure that was right. Wow, in some ways it doesn't seem like it's already been 2 whole weeks, in others it feels like it's been years. Some days I feel like I'm dealing with it okay and then something happens, I hear a song that reminds me of him, or my kids say or do something, or some "random" thought pops into my head and I start tearing up all over again. I think about the last time I saw and talked to him. It's a really special time for me now. Anyone who knew me when I was a teenager knows that I could get anything I wanted from my dad. All I had to do was get him to go lay down and I'd give him a back rub, rub his arms and legs, rub and scratch his head, then ask for whatever I thought I needed at the moment, which was usually the keys to the car and some cash, and he kinda mumble his head or wave his fingers a little as his "take or do whatever you want" sign. I'd give him a kiss and run off to go play. On Monday the 21st I went up the house to help finish our Christmas project for Mom and Dad while they were at the Dr.'s office. After I got done with that downstairs, I headed up to visit for a little bit before I really had to leave. Dad was sitting up to the counter like he usually did when he was feeling okay. He pointed to his back and I headed right over and proceeded to give him a back rub. I rubbed his arms, sort of, but they hurt from all the poking and the I.V.'s he'd had. So I rubbed and scratched his head for him. Mom was telling me that his heart rate at the Dr.'s office that day had been kinda high, I looked at him then, starting to drool and looking content like I remember him doing, and told her we should take his heart rate now....I don't think it's very high any more, he'd looked pretty relaxed to me. I gave him a hug and kissed him and told him that I loved him and headed on my way with the kids. I didn't make it up to the house again until Christmas Eve because I spent the next 2 days doing ALL of my Christmas shopping. We were headed up to Rexburg when my Mom called me and told me that Dad had just passed away. It was SO hard to hear. I was literally sick to my stomach. There were so many times that day when I was just nauseated and would have to stop and hold my mouth and concentrate on my breathing. It was all so much to take in. We had a nice break between people stopping by to express their love and condolences and to say good-bye to Dad before they took him to the funeral home. At that time, Matt, Amanda and I felt it was the right time to share our Christmas project with the family that we'd worked on for the last 6 months. We'd made a dvd of our family, starting with pictures of Mom and Dad when they were babies, kids, teenagers through the time they got married and had us, all the way through this summer and our most recent family pictures of everyone up at the farm. It's all set to music and it's almost 30 minutes long. It turned out so beautiful and perfect. We were able to sit there, with Dad(I know his spirit was still around trying to comfort us), and watch the life of our family. Needless to say, everyone was crying through it, but it was so great and right to watch it there and then. To those of you following this, I'm sure there will be many more posts about this and my feelings, sorry, but this is my therapy. I know you don't really mind, and I love and thank you for that. Soon I will actually post the fun stuff that has happened the last few months. I finally cleaned off my memory card on my camera....it was full and kept telling me so! Anyway, that's enough for today. P.S. If anyone wants to watch our dvd, let me know and I'll come over for a private screening at your place. ;)

Dad went home to our Father in Heaven today....

I just need to put this in words for you and myself. My dad passed on today around 12:40 p.m. today. He decided that he couldn't do it anymore and went quickly. Last night mom went to sleep around midnight and dad woke her up around 2:30 a.m. because he just didn't feel good. Mom asked him if he wanted to go to the E.R. and he asked her if they'd have to put an I.V. in him, she told him Yes. So he said no way, he wasn't going. His heart was racing like crazy and he just didn't feel right. She tried to get his medication in him, but it was difficult and it didn't help at all when he finally was able to take it. At 6:30 a.m. mom asked dad if he wanted Matt to give him a blessing and all dad could say was "Hurry". Matt gave him a blessing and he was restfull afterwards. A few hours later a good family friend, Doug S. came over to check on them and dad wanted to move over to his chair. Doug told us that with the two of them, he didn't feel like they could move him that far and asked dad if he could help them get him to the chair. Dad wasn't really responsive at that point but, according to Doug, by the power of angels they were able to move him to his chair. From there he just went fast. He didn't respond at all anymore and his breaths became farther and farther between. Mom finally looked at him and told him to do what he thought he needed to do. After that they took off his oxygen and he was gone within 2 minutes. Very quickly, quietly and peacefully.....just like he always wanted. Mom really thinks that he left before that and that his body was still running to give her time to accept it and let go.

Words cannot even begin to express the grief that I feel in my heart. Hopefully through the days and weeks that follow I will be able to find the words. I am so grateful for all of our family and friends who have prayed for us and continue to do so. Again, words will never quite express my gratitude. Thank you all so much!

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I will get to see my dad again someday. I know that he is in a better place and that he doesn't hurt anymore. I know that he's still close by and always will be.

For those who want to know, the viewing will be Sunday night at 5:00 p.m. at Flamm funeral home in Rexburg. The funeral is Monday at 11:00 p.m. at the church by my parent's house. If you want more info, let me know.

Again, Thank You all so much for your love and concern! I love you all!!

Dad.....

Dad went to the Dr. yesterday and they ended up taking out his trach. I think we're all grateful for that because it has just caused more grief than it did any good. Now he's left with a big hole in his throat. Most people will heal around it and their skin will grow back to kind of close it up so the hole isn't as big, but not Dad. The skin around it is so sick from the tumor that it hasn't healed around there at all. He's pretty frustrated with the whole situation. He hasn't been able to sleep very well and neither has mom. Hopefully with the trach out they'll both be able to ge some rest. He can't talk, but I can still understand him.....the fire is still there! ;) I still just can't believe how quickly things have gone downhill with him. 2 weeks ago things were still okay. He could talk and move around and do things. Yeah, he got tired faster than he used to, but he was still Dad. Now, it's just so different. He's lost over 60 lbs in the last couple of months, he can't talk except for a little whisper every now and then....and that takes some effort. It's just really hard to watch him slip away from us. Granted, there is still that fire in him. He can still get worked up about certain things and he still has that great smile. I just love him so much! At this point and time, if he really makes it days past the New Year I will be surprised. I'm so thankful for the Hospice Nurses who come in every day to check on him and mom. I know it really helps my mother and calms her worries to know that there is someone there who knows what they are doing and can answer her questions. Although she is pretty efficient helping dad with what needs to be done anymore. I just want to say "Thank You!" again to all of you! We all can feel the power of your prayers and love. I also wish so much that you(and I) could do something to help, but unfortunately there's really nothing that anyone can do.....except pray for us, continue to be great family and friends that we can go to to talk to, cry or laugh with or just to be with one another. Thank you all so much for your love and support! I revel in it! May you all have a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Happy Birthday....a little late

I really want to tell Gary Happy Birthday! His birthday was yesterday and I was running around too much to get on here. I know he'll probably never read this, but I want everyone else to know how much I love and appreciate this man of mine. He is such a kind hearted, hard workin', pain in my butt kind of guy that will never grow up, yet is wise beyond his years. We've been married for almost 12 years now and it just almost surreal. All the ups and downs and ins and outs I wouldn't trade for anything or anyone. I love him, I love him, I love him!

Now a quick update on dad. I went to the hospital on Tuesday with Joe and Em to see Dad for a little bit. We were only there about 15 minutes and the kids were restless and wanted to get some lunch and go to Grandma's house. Dad couldn't talk at all because of the trach, but he could still get his point across. He told Emma that he thought her hair looked really cute. We crimped it and pulled a little back. He liked her boots. Joe had fun kinda bouncing on the bed and making it move up and down underneath him. Dad was pretty upset about not being able to go home yet. He had a few choice words and gestures about it.....it was a good thing he couldn't "say" it out loud! The fire is definitely still there....but it doesn't take much to wear him out. He was really tired because he didn't get much sleep the night before. They had trouble with the trach and so he can't lay down at all or else he can't breathe. Since the surgery he's had to stay in an upright position. It's really hard to watch him. Luckily he's at home now where he can at least be in a comfortable recliner to rest and relax in. Today he'll go into the Dr.'s office for them to put a different trach end on. The one that's in is too heavy for where they had to put it and it's falling out. The Dr. will put in a softer, light-weight one for him and he'll be able to go straight back home. For now things are okay. We are so grateful for all the love and prayers. Everyone keeps asking me if there is anything they could do, I wish I could give them an answer or I wish there was something they could do. Unfortunately there really isn't anything any of us can do, but pray and be thankful for the time that we do have with this amazingly wonderful man. The only thing I can really do is savour and enjoy what time I have with my dad. This will be a Christmas we all remember forever.

Dad's Surgery

Dad made it through his surgery in pretty good shape. It was a little difficult, but not in the way they expected it. The Dr.'s did both the trach and inserted a tube in his stomach, but they were more worried about the tube in the stomach. Too make it the easiest surgery for Dad, to put the tube in the stomach they put a scope down his throat and insert it that way. With the way his throat has been obstructed they were worried it may not work very well and that they might have to open him up to actually get the tube in there. It turned out not to even be a problem. The scope went right in. They had a harder time getting the trach done because of the tumor. The surgeon said that it was the hardest one that he'd ever done before, but he knew that it had to be done, so he forged ahead and was able get it done beautifully. Dr. Dixon is making Dad stay at the hospital until Wednesday so that he can really learn to breathe with the trach and give Mom and Dad good instructions on how to clean and care for it. I know that Heavenly Father is listening to your prayers and has guided the hands of the wonderful Dr.'s to give my Dad this little bit of precious time with us. We are all SO grateful for all of you and your love and concern. Every time I tell Dad about all the prayers and well wishes from you he tears up and gets all emotional, which gets the rest of us going too. He is such of strong man of faith! I love him so much. When we were told that this was it, and it was just him, myself, Gary and Mom in the room, we were all crying and he looks at us and tells us that he isn't crying for himself, but for us. He knows that he'll be taken care of better than any of us can even imagine. He's at peace with it all. I know that since he got his diagnosis he has been preparing himself and he's ready. He just wants it to be as easy as possible for the rest of us. I can barely read this through the tears running down my face! So, I'll leave it here for now. I just want to tell you all again, Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart! It really helps bring peace to my heart and soul to hear from you or read your heartfelt sympathies. I love you all!