Some thoughts....

So it's been 2 weeks today since Dad passed away. I really had to get up and look at the calendar to make sure that was right. Wow, in some ways it doesn't seem like it's already been 2 whole weeks, in others it feels like it's been years. Some days I feel like I'm dealing with it okay and then something happens, I hear a song that reminds me of him, or my kids say or do something, or some "random" thought pops into my head and I start tearing up all over again. I think about the last time I saw and talked to him. It's a really special time for me now. Anyone who knew me when I was a teenager knows that I could get anything I wanted from my dad. All I had to do was get him to go lay down and I'd give him a back rub, rub his arms and legs, rub and scratch his head, then ask for whatever I thought I needed at the moment, which was usually the keys to the car and some cash, and he kinda mumble his head or wave his fingers a little as his "take or do whatever you want" sign. I'd give him a kiss and run off to go play. On Monday the 21st I went up the house to help finish our Christmas project for Mom and Dad while they were at the Dr.'s office. After I got done with that downstairs, I headed up to visit for a little bit before I really had to leave. Dad was sitting up to the counter like he usually did when he was feeling okay. He pointed to his back and I headed right over and proceeded to give him a back rub. I rubbed his arms, sort of, but they hurt from all the poking and the I.V.'s he'd had. So I rubbed and scratched his head for him. Mom was telling me that his heart rate at the Dr.'s office that day had been kinda high, I looked at him then, starting to drool and looking content like I remember him doing, and told her we should take his heart rate now....I don't think it's very high any more, he'd looked pretty relaxed to me. I gave him a hug and kissed him and told him that I loved him and headed on my way with the kids. I didn't make it up to the house again until Christmas Eve because I spent the next 2 days doing ALL of my Christmas shopping. We were headed up to Rexburg when my Mom called me and told me that Dad had just passed away. It was SO hard to hear. I was literally sick to my stomach. There were so many times that day when I was just nauseated and would have to stop and hold my mouth and concentrate on my breathing. It was all so much to take in. We had a nice break between people stopping by to express their love and condolences and to say good-bye to Dad before they took him to the funeral home. At that time, Matt, Amanda and I felt it was the right time to share our Christmas project with the family that we'd worked on for the last 6 months. We'd made a dvd of our family, starting with pictures of Mom and Dad when they were babies, kids, teenagers through the time they got married and had us, all the way through this summer and our most recent family pictures of everyone up at the farm. It's all set to music and it's almost 30 minutes long. It turned out so beautiful and perfect. We were able to sit there, with Dad(I know his spirit was still around trying to comfort us), and watch the life of our family. Needless to say, everyone was crying through it, but it was so great and right to watch it there and then. To those of you following this, I'm sure there will be many more posts about this and my feelings, sorry, but this is my therapy. I know you don't really mind, and I love and thank you for that. Soon I will actually post the fun stuff that has happened the last few months. I finally cleaned off my memory card on my camera....it was full and kept telling me so! Anyway, that's enough for today. P.S. If anyone wants to watch our dvd, let me know and I'll come over for a private screening at your place. ;)